Reflections on a weekend in the Work of Byron Katie at Windhorse Farm, Nova Scotia
May 2-4, 2012
(reprinted from Windhorse Farm blog)

A month now passed since our beautiful and powerful weekend at Windhorse learning, exploring and travelling with the powerful questions of the Work of Byron Katie.  

In some ways the questions of the Work are so simple, beginning with “Is it true?” And we found over and over again through the weekend how the kind and clear structure of these questions, and the deep space we held together, invited each of us into a journey with ourselves that brought us to some surprising places, and to more of our own wisdom and compassion.

This is powerful work when you really get still and find your own answers. It is a meditation.  Sometimes it blows our mind what we find is possible when we are able to see beyond the stories and beliefs that can blind us, limit us, keep us stuck in confused or painful patterns.  And sometimes makes us smile at ourselves or at life when more of the clarity and kindness of it all becomes apparent – even in the depths of fear or pain.

“Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it” Byron Katie.

I love this quote – and witnessed the truth of it all weekend, even in places it is hard to believe it could be true. Space opens and light fills it.

I offer retreats across North America in this Work, and it is always a privilege to share this Work, and sit with people in the beauty of what shifts and opens in a full weekend retreat. And I was particularly moved in this weekend at Windhorse Farm at how quickly and deeply we could dive in together, held in such a place of beauty and intention.  

People were able to do the work they came to do, and then sit or walk in the forest to let it settle in.  Or sit outside with their face in the sun (it was there a good part of this spring weekend) and contemplate their own learning.  We also had the great gift of a night walk led by Steve – under the fullest of moons that lit our silent walk through the forest.

What an amazingly warm and courageous group of people, wanting to know the truth for themselves, wanting their own freedom and taking the time to open to it.  I still smile thinking about it. After doing this work for almost 12 years I have really come to trust these questions will lead people to just the right part of themselves – and yet it is also a welcome surprise to me every time it happens that someone sees something new in a place that seems so stuck and a pattern shifts, some stress or suffering softens, or a new pathway forward suddenly comes into awareness.

Our circle of 18 lovely folks from around the Maritimes learned the basics of the Work and had the chance to move through some powerful inquiry together and individually.  On our follow up call this week, many shared that they are using the process to continue to work with places they are stuck now that they are home and back in the flow of work and life.

One of the things I most love about this Work is that you can learn to do it yourself and as one of the participants commented “I don’t feel like I am at the mercy of the happenings of life anymore.” It was sweet to hear that, as it is one of the gifts of this Work in my own personal and professional life. It doesn’t mean we can ‘control’ what happens – what it does mean is that whatever happens we have a way to really engage with it honestly and peacefully, and learn and grow forward from whatever possibility it has to offer rather than being a victim of it, or staying stuck or suffering. This Work helps me evolve.

One of our catch phrases of the weekend was “compassionate curiosity” and I find that this work gives me a very skillful way to directly invite and apply a deep and effective curiosity that opens space in a profound way in both my personal and professional life.

I am very grateful to have had this weekend in the Work at Windhorse Farm – for the inspiring and healing space held by the stewards of Windhorse, by the land itself, and by the group of amazing people that arrived for the weekend in The Work.

I am looking forward to returning next May to offer this retreat at Windhorse again, with an extra day to allow space for more retreat on the land, and some additional exercises in the Work.

Until then…

Caitlin.

Self-Inquiry and the Work of Byron Katie
Caitlin Frost, Certified Facilitator and Trainer in the Work of Byron Katie

Your most effective leadership tool is an open mind.
- Byron Katie.

In the world of leadership and organizational work where we are aspiring to access new paradigms of and possibility, it is crucial to have personal practice for opening our minds and hearts in the places we get stuck. Fear, assumptions, judgements, limiting beliefs and stressful thinking can close us down – particularly in the face of change and challenging situations.

Whether we are aware of them or not, our own limiting beliefs and thinking impact our actions, what we pay attention to, the choices we make, who we can work effectively with, and what we are able to see (or not see) as possible. Our own thinking can also have a strong effect on how much satisfaction and enjoyment we get from our work, and our ability to learn and grow.

The Work of Byron Katie is simple yet powerful process of self-inquiry. It is a skillful process for working with your own thinking to open space where you find your mind and heart closing or closed.

The effects of working with yourself in this way can be profound – allowing you to access your own intelligence, experience possibility that was unseen from the stuck place and experience authentic connection to yourself and others.

In my work as a leadership coach, facilitator and trainer in participatory process – including Open Space Technology – I have found this Work to be profoundly powerful for myself as well as with my clients and colleagues. For me The Work is ‘family’ to all the other participatory and connecting group and leadership processes – and doing this work alongside them supports my ability to host that work at a deeper level.

As leaders, facilitators, and change agents, we want to step fearlessly into the challenges of change, conflict, and the unknown as we look for new ways to be in work and to ‘solve’ the problems of the world. We want to connect with each other deeply, listen and collaborate and be able work with a wide diversity of people – ‘whoever shows up’ – and to reach out beyond that with an genuinely open mind and heart. We want to bring the very best of ourselves to our work and life and to hold truly open space for ourselves and others to do good work.

And sometimes we hit a place where we close – where we are afraid, confused, overwhelmed, stressed, hurt, angry, or stuck. Where we are firmly attached to outcome. Where we are not ok with ‘whoever shows up’, or ‘when it is over..’. Where we are afraid and not feeling at all ‘prepared to be surprised’. When we are caught up in needing the approval of our client, or our boss, or our colleagues or we find a particular person or group difficult (or impossible) to work with and we are unable to listen and act wisely and compassionately.

“It’s not our differences that divide us.
It’s our judgements about each other that do.”
Margaret Wheatley, Author: Leadership and the New Science; Turning to One Another

The Work of Byron Katie, offers a skillful and effective way to engage directly and compassionately with your own thinking in these places of closing. Through a process of self-inquiry, based on simple and powerful questions and your own honest answers – you have the opportunity to reconnect with your own clear mind and heart. From that place there is more opportunity to experience possibility, learning and authentic connection with ourselves, other people, our wisdom and life – and lead, collaborate and create from that place.

Inquiry helps the suffering mind move out of it’s arguments with reality. It helps us move into alignment with constant change. After all – the change is happening anyway, whether we like it or not. But when we’re attached to our thoughts about how that change should look, being out of control feels very uncomfortable
Byron Katie

The Four Questions and Turnarounds of “The Work”

Doing the Work consists of two parts. Identifying what you are thinking or believing when you are stressed or closing; and then taking your stressful thought or belief through a process of inquiry using the 4 questions and ‘turnarounds’ of The Work as your guide. Anyone willing to answer honestly can do this work, and it can be done with a facilitator asking you the questions, or as a journaling exercise where you write down your own answers.

(This Work is best understood by experiencing it for yourself. I invite you to give it a try with something that has you stressed or stuck.)

Working with one belief/thought at at time – you answer each of the 4 questions. This work is a meditation – and you are invited to open your mind and see what answers arise. Prepare to be surprised!

Question 1. “Is it True?”
It seems like an obvious question, but we often don’t stop long enough to really consider it. Especially when we are stressed. Take your time to contemplate it – and then land on a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. There is no ‘right’ answer – the power is in inviting the question in and opening your mind to find your own honest answer – not what you have been told by others or assume, but what is true for you when you get still and access your own deeper wisdom about it.

Question 2. “Can you absolutely know that it is true?”
Similar to question one – this gives you another chance to contemplate if your answer was yes to the first question. Again a simple yes or no is invited – and either is fine. Again the gift is taking the time to drop a little deeper and consider the possibility of both yes and no – invite some balance – and see what shows up.

“The CEO needs to be at the meeting”. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true that we need her to be there?

“We need more money”. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true – that we can’t do this without more money?

“They don’t listen to me”…. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true that they are not listening – can I know that for sure?

Question 3. How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
This question invites you to notice the effect of attaching to the thought/belief. How do I feel? How do I act? How do I treat myself and other people? What am I not able to do? Again it is a meditation – not a judgment – just watching and learning.
For example How do I react and show up when I believe that they don’t listen to me? What does that feel like? What happens?

Question 4. Who would you be without that thought?
This question invites you to see – just for a moment – , who you would be in that same situation if you were not believing that thought. Again just open your mind and see what you experience.
For example: Who would I be in that same situation without attaching to the thought “they don’t listen to me.” What would that feel and look like?

The Turnarounds:
And then there is a playful part of the Work called the ‘turnarounds’ where you take the initial stressful or stuck thought/belief and ‘turn it around’ in different ways to explore where the opposites or other perspectives could be equally or more true. Another very specific to the situation way to open your mind. To open space for balance in perspective.

For example: If I am working with the thought: “They don’t listen to me”

Turned around to the opposite- They do listen to me (and then I really consider where this could have truth and find examples.)

Turned around to the ‘other’ – I don’t listen to them (and then I get to see where this could also be true – where am I not listening?)

Turned around to myself – I don’t listen to myself (where do I not even listen to myself in this situation? possibly because I am so worried about what they will say or do I am not really listening to me either.)

And then I allow some silence to sit with myself in what I have answered and found.

There is no specific advice or ‘to do’ as an ‘outcome’ of doing this work. I just find that I am more open on the other side of it, and from that place I am often able to connect where I couldn’t, or see options where I didn’t, and experience more peace. Sometimes the effect is immediately profound, other times it is subtle. Sometimes i don’t realize what it has shifted until later and then I notice somewhere I was stuck and I am not anymore, or someone who triggered me just doesn’t anymore. This Work invites me out of my “I know mind” and into a place of presence and connection with what is really happening and what else is possible.

The questions are simple – and I have found they can take me to very deep places of learning and transformation in work and life. I have been doing this Work for more than 10 years – myself and with others – and it still amazes and moves me on a regular basis.

If you are curious and want to know yourself more deeply in the places you are stuck give it a try.

For more information about The Work in application to leadership and organizational work, go to my website under The Work at work www.caitlinfrost.ca I also have free resources to download and more detailed instructions on my site.

The Work is applicable to any place of stress in both work and other areas of life. There is also a wealth of information and resources about The Work on Byron Katie’s website www.thework.com

Upcoming Workshops:

The Work in Business – with Byron Katie
A unique international offering for a 3 day intensive with Byron Katie in Amsterdam, February 8-11th

http://www.theworkinbusiness.info/

The Work @ work – What is holding YOU back? – with Caitlin Frost
A weekend intensive applying the Work to leadership and professional work – University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, May 27th and 28th

http://caitlinfrost.ca/workshops/the-work-at-work/

Beyond Belief – with Caitlin Frost
A weekend in the Work – working with limiting beliefs to find more possibility, peace and freedom. All experience levels
Windhorse Farm, Nova Scotia, Canada May 4-6th

http://caitlinfrost.ca/workshops/beyond-belief-ns/

Being Peace – with Caitlin Frost
A weekend in the Work –
Salt Spring Centre of Yoga, BC, Canada, April 13 – 15

Caitlin Frost is a facilitator, teacher and coach working with transformation, conversation and authentic leadership. She is a Certified Facilitator and trainer of The Work, and practitioner in the Art of Hosting International community of practice. Caitlin works across North America with individuals and groups wanting to open space for more possibility in their lives and work. She has had a deep practice in The Work for more than 10 years and continues to be amazed by the transformative power of inquiry. She lives on Bowen Island with her family and is a Partner in Harvest Moon Consultants. www.caitlinfrost.ca.

The Journey
by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

This poem resonates for me with all the amazing and courageous people that I have the honour of travelling with in my hosting of the Work. A deep bow to all of us in this mysterious journey to knowing ourselves.
Caitlin.

The Winter of Listening

No one but me by the fire,
my hands burning
red in the palms while
the night wind carries
everything away outside.

All this petty worry
while the great cloak
of the sky grows dark
and intense
round every living thing.

What is precious
inside us does not
care to be known
by the mind
in ways that diminish
its presence.

What we strive for
in perfection
is not what turns us
into the lit angel
we desire,

what disturbs
and then nourishes
has everything
we need.

What we hate
in ourselves
is what we cannot know
in ourselves but
what is true to the pattern
does not need
to be explained.

Inside everyone
is a great shout of joy
waiting to be born.

Even with the summer
so far off
I feel it grown in me
now and ready
to arrive in the world.

All those years
listening to those
who had
nothing to say.

All those years
forgetting
how everything
has its own voice
to make
itself heard.

All those years
forgetting
how easily
you can belong
to everything
simply by listening.

And the slow
difficulty
of remembering
how everything
is born from
an opposite
and miraculous
otherness.
Silence and winter
has led me to that
otherness.

So let this winter
of listening
be enough
for the new life
I must call my own.

~ David Whyte ~

(The House of Belonging)

a beautiful quote from Rumi
capturing what I have also found to be true in my inquiry about and experience of love.
Thanks Leah!

“Your task is not to seek for love,

~Rumi

Sometimes in this Work and in the path of inquiry to find peace in ourselves in can feel overwhelming. Every inquiry brings more stressful thoughts and beliefs in to awareness and it can seem endless. If I believe that I will never be free until I resolve it all – it can close me down to so much of the journey, which turns out to be my life – the parts that are opening and the parts that still feel confusing and closed. When I try to force the unfolding – I am out of my own business and into the business of life. I create violence in my attempts at peace. I notice that when I ask myself the questions – and then open and just wait – I get what I need.

After a powerful walk in the Work today – a client of mine sent me this beautiful quote that holds a lot of truth for me.

Rainer Marie Rilke wrote:

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, for they could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps, then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

A poem from my dear friend and mate in the work of life Tim Merry. Written on a napkin on our back porch – after a week of good work in friendship, music, forest walks and talks, delicious food and a touch of apricot wine.
www.myrgan.com

What would I be without my story?
Free
Of the whispering mind
Cop in the head
Put to Bed
Not even snoring
Just Breath
Left

Who would I be without my stories?
Like a tree
Without the rustle of the leaves
Winter mind
Kind
Aligned
To the Inside
Inside the inside
A space so wide
It has no centre
Because it is centre

Thanks Tim!

I am very excited to finally have a blog. A place to play a little with my thinking, share poems and resource, questions and beauty I find in my travels.

‘Learning to Fly’ captures for me the learning mode I like to live my life in. The invitation to experiment, be curious, try stuff – fail and succeed and keep flowing with it. It captures for me the joy of evolution and movement I get to experience sometimes that feels like flight. Being up in the air where I can see more of the landscape; moving with speed and grace, and also a stillness in the centre that I suspect is a key element of the magic of flight. There is nothing quite so moving as lying on my back and watching the birds dip and turn and soar on the wind above the ocean, through the trees and behind our house.

Much of what I share here comes from reflections on my own practice in the inquiry practice of The Work of Byron Katie, together with my learning in the Art of Hosting international community of practice, and with my amazing family, friends and mates along the way. This work is my core practice for engaging fully with life, for finding my way through places that are stuck and stressful, for stretching out and evolving, and for continuing to learn and know myself. It is also a core part of my work as a coach and facilitator working with others and sharing what I can from my own experience and holding space with the simple and powerful questions of the Work.
(see www.caitlinfrost.ca and www.thework.com )

I am curious to see what else emerges to share here – what insights and inspirations I find from my friends and colleagues, other writers and teachers that inspire me and make me think, and whatever else I find to share as I move through life and work. What fun.

I have a painting by a local artist – Imke Zimmerman, that jumped out at me as I perused a community art show last year. It touched some of this in me and took me straight to that place in myself that I remember so much from when I was a little girl – a freedom and fearlessness that was so innocent and honest. I could almost call this blog “RE learning to fly” as I find my way back to that place.

And I am also inspired by this beautiful song: Dream by Priscilla Ahn that I have been playing at the start of recent retreats I have hosted in the Work and playing to myself as I move about my day.

“I had dream – that I could fly from the highest swing.”

Looking forward to what unfolds here.

Caitlin.